I Don't Enjoy Pain

Ok, so I know a lot of folks are going *snoort, that's funny*, but it's true! We're not talking about bedroom pain here! I'm talking about the sort of pain that's making me want to drive a drill through my mouth.

I went to get wisdom teeth pulled out yesterday. Two of them. I could have had all four removed, but I said "Hey! I've never actually had any tooth removed before, maybe I should go for a half-mouth instead of a full-mouth surgery. You know. See if I like it." I am SO glad I waited. First of all, the initial 30 shots they give you to get you numb were excrutiating. I think he managed to hit 4 nerves in a row. After a while, you feel numb, so you relax ... thinking the last shots he'll give you will go unnoticed. Hah! No, he managed to hit a few more nerves before announcing he was finished. Really? No shit? I can breathe now? Gee, thanks!

The actual extraction was painless, but no less uncomfortable. The sound of a cracking branch is pretty much what you hear when he yanks on the thing, soothingly whispering that he needs to 'rock' the tooth before he can pull it out. Aw, isn't that sweet? 'Rock' the tooth, dentist! Rock it to sleep while I want nothing more than to wring your neck and that of your laughing assistant who probably knows better than see a dentist because she assists one.

So ... fine. The two things were gone. It was over. Nevermind I still had about 3 hours of looking like a drooling idiotic mental patient with a mouth full of cotton. "How do you feel sweetie?" "Mggrgrgggrrlllghhh!"

And then ... what I like to call 'defrosting' occurs, where I feel like a slab of ground beef slowly thawing on the oven top. Little prickles of joy flitters across your face as the numbing properties of the drug dissapate ... and then the PAIN kicks in.

Two tylenols later, and 4 swabs of blood-soaked cotton, I decided to take a nap. When I woke up, I celebrated the disapearance of two wisdom teeth with a bottle of beer, a full supper and a cigarette. I'm pretty sure I disobeyed a few rules, but hey ... I had to have a reward.

I still can't find any records of how wisdom teeth have benifited society.